MAKING CHILDREN MIND...Chapter #6

Welcome back to our discussion of the book, MAKING CHILDREN MIND WITHOUT LOSING YOURS by Dr. Kevin Leman. I would love to read all your thoughts, opinions and comments. My comments will be in green.

If you're just joining us, you may want to read chapters 1-5 first.
Here are the links:
Chapter 1: IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE! GRAB A VINE!
Chapter 2: Inconsistency-or How to Raise a Yo-Yo
Chapter 3: It's All In the Eye of the Beholder
Chapter 4: Why Reward and Punishment Don't Work
Chapter 5: Pull the Rug Out and Let the Little Buzzards Tumble

Now let's move on to...
Chapter 6: Danger--Super Parent at Work!

"You don't make your child mind. You guide your child toward making wise decisions about the realities of life. And you know you need to give him freedom to fail. Nevertheless, you are positive that he will make more wise decisions than poor ones as he learns to be accountable and responsible by disciplining himself."

Reality has to be your child's teacher when they're young because when they're older and you're not around it will smack them in the face.

"...we aren't trying to own or keep our children; we are trying to help them learn to be responsible and accountable persons in their own right. Our children belong to the Lord. He has given them to us 'on loan,' with specific guidelines in his Word for the training and enrichment of their lives."

One of my goals, as a soon to be parent, is to train my children to be responsible and to do what's right when I'm not looking.

"The only Judge is God himself, and all of us will be judged someday. You need wisdom to guide your children in making the right decisions and letting reality call the shots. The truth is our children can fail. We learn through failure. We learn through making our own decisions, and some of those decisions turn out to be mistakes that lead to failure. I still believe that home should be a place where failure is allowed. It is dealt with matter-of-factly and is cushioned with love and encouragement from the parents. When we come to the saving grace of Christ, we do not come out of victory, but our of admitting defeat. We are sinners and we need a Savior. As we admit our mistakes and our need of Christ, it is then that we have victory. The parent is only managing what God has provided. It is more work to guide a child, but it is infinitely more worthwhile."

Logical consequences make much more sense, especially when the child grows up and is living in the "real world." A parent can make all the decisions for the child, but what what does that teach them? There is nothing wrong with your child having problems. The question is, how does your child respond to them? Does he curl up in a ball and freeze or does he trust himself to respond and solve them.

"It is important that the family see the misbehavior of one child not as just that child's problem. It is the entire family's problem. The responses by parents and other family members can do much to reinforce unwanted behavior in a child. Likewise, family responses can reinforce desirable behavior."

I have so many parents that don't see that they are contributing to the very behavior they are upset about. Teachers have a favorite saying, "The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree." I am always amazed at the parents that look at me totally bewildered by why little Bobby is punching or hitting and come to find out, that is their first response when little Bobby misbehaves.

"The home is really a tuition-free university where children study the lifelong curriculum of decision making. At the base of the child-parent relationship should be the parent's desire to train the child, guide her, and set her free to become her own person. The child is becoming an individual anyway, and instead of cramping and crimping the process, you should encourage it and enhance it."

Your child will soon be a teen and then an adult. You may think you have all the power and control, but it will soon slip away. Train you child now to make wise decisions or it will bite you and them in the butt when they are adults.