Monday, March 6, 2017
1. IT'S SELFISH TO SAY, "NO." Our lives are our responsibility. We need to manage our souls since they are a gift from God. Our growth is God's interest on His investment in us. To say, "no," to something is to protect God's investment.
2. IT'S DISOBEDIENT TO SAY, "NO." An internal "no" nullifies an external "yes." God is more concerned with our hearts then our outward compliance. Always say, "yes" out of a heart of love. When our motive to saying "yes" is fear we love not.
3. IF I SET BOUNDARIES PEOPLE WILL LEAVE ME. Boundaries are a litmus test for the quality of our relationship. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions and our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us they don't love all of us. They only love us when we say "yes" or comply. That is not really loving us.
4. BOUNDARIES HURT OTHERS. Boundaries don't control, attach or hurt anyone. They may cause some discomfort or inconvenience, but it doesn't cause injury. We are all lumpy, bumpy and unfinished sinners. God doesn't always say, "yes" because sometimes "no" helps us move. We want to be allowed to be human, so we need to allow others to be human too: to be busy, to be unavailable, to have time alone.
5. BOUNDARIES MEAN I AM ANGRY. Anger is ok if it tells us that our boundaries have been violated. It gives us power to solve a problem.
6. OTHERS BOUNDARIES CAUSE ME INJURY. Accept others boundaries as you want them to accept yours.
7. BOUNDARIES CAUSE GUILT. Just because we have received something does not mean we owe something. True gifts don't come with strings. Just as we should provide out of love without expecting anything in return, so should we receive with a simple, "thank you." Just receive and be grateful.
8. BOUNDARIES ARE PERMANENT. Your boundaries don't own you. You can always change them as circumstances change.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
1. SOWING AND REAPING: Actions have consequences. Nagging won't help. Allowing others to suffer consequences of actions will.
2. RESPONSIBILITY: We are all responsible for ourselves. It is not responsible to rescue someone from the consequences of their sins.
3. POWER: Agree with the truth of your problems (confess). Ask for help and humble yourself. If you do what you are able to do, God will do what you are unable to do, bringing about change. Want to change. Seek out others you have hurt and make amends. Submit yourself to the process and work with God. You cannot change anything, but you (and only with God's help). Changing how you deal with others may motivate them to change, especially when their old patterns don't work anymore.
4. RESPECT: We judge boundary decisions of others, thinking we know best how they "ought" to behave. We comply and then we resent. We have to accept other's freedom to set boundaries just as we went others to accept ours.
5. MOTIVATION: Doing or giving has to be out of love not fear of losing love or abandonment. Loving someone doesn't mean having to always say, "yes." Freedom first and service second.
6. EVALUATION: Things you say can hurt and not harm. Saying "no" is having a purposeful life and someone responding with hurt or anger doesn't mean you don't set the boundary. Setting boundaries requires decision making and confrontation, which could cause some pain to others, but if we do not share these things then anger, bitterness and hate could set in. We need confrontation and truth from others to grow. It may hurt, but it can also help. Be willing and able to evaluate the pain in a positive light.
7. PROACTIVE: (not reactive) Proactive people do not demand right, but live by them. It's not something you deserve or demand, but express.
8. ENVY: This keeps us perpetually insatiable and dissatisfied. Understand what you resent and want and do I truly desire it. What do I need to do to get it? Am I willing to do it and if not then give up that desire.
9. ACTIVITY: We need to be active and assertive. We lose out when we are passive and inactive. God will match our effort, but He won't do the work for us. We need to do our part. Ask, seek and knock. Failing is not a sin. Failing to try is.
10. EXPOSURE: Your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated in a relationship. Fear causes us to hide ourselves.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Initially, I didn't think I had BOUNDARY problems. Now I see that this is a major problem.
* Knowing what is my job and responsibility and what isn't gives me freedom. Each person carries his/her own load and God will do what we cannot do, but we have to take ownership of our own lives
* Setting boundaries lets others problems be their problems not mine. Strong fences allow the bad to stay out and gates allow the bad already in to leave and the good to come in.
* Not having boundaries allows others to take advantage of me
* Don't passively comply and inwardly resent
* Using "I" statements (I don't like it when...) gives a clear message and tells others the rules of your yard
* Its ok to physically removed myself from people and situations to maintain a boundary. Time away can help regain control of situation and create new ways of relating to improve the relationship. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.
* Feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge. They tell the state of a relationship. Own them. They are your problem and you must find a solution.
* You have to both accept others boundaries and have a right to your own.
* Making decisions based on others approval or on guilt breeds resentments. Take responsibility for your own choices.
* We must own our own thoughts. Listen to others and weigh them. Be open to changing our minds and communicate our thoughts to others.
* Be is touch with who we really are and what our real motives are. What do I want and why?
* Having a fear of being abandoned can lead one to comply and inwardly resent. God wants us to be compassionate not sacrificial (compliant on outside and resentful on inside).
Labels: All About Me