Now that we are adopting, the times that I just need to vent all my frustrations are becoming few and far between, but today is one of those days. If anyone else says to me, "just adopt and you'll get pregnent," or "have you tried such and such...," or "just move on with your life,"... I think I'll SCREAM! This year there are SIX women pregnant at the school where I work. I've only been able to attend one shower. Sometimes it's just too painful. I know now that God is leading me to adopt, but that doesn't mean not being physically pregnant is any easier.I have to keep my mouth shut when I hear, "My back hurts," or "I didn't sleep at all last night," or "It took us 2 months to get pregnant." What I wouldn't give to have my back hurt, lose sleep and actually BE pregnant. Some people don't know how blessed they are.
Then there are student's parents who complain that they don't have time for themselves anymore or they say they don't know what to do when their child misbehaves and they throw their hands up. How can they give up on their own child?
I have been trying off and on, since I was 25 (I'm 40 now.), to get pregnant. I have taken Clomid, used ovulation kits, taken my temperature daily, given myself injections in the stomach and had three AI's. I still get angry with God sometimes too. Why me? He does know what is best, but it still hurts. My mother has had 8 children (Me, her last at age 45.) and my siblings have a total of 16. Why am I the only one who can't get pregnant? I know this is an exaggeration, but it sure feels that way.
Wahh, Wahh, Wahh...ok, I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Maybe, tomorrow will be better.
5 comments:
I hear you! I can't tell you how many times I've complained to my husband about the black cloud that is hovering over us (we went through an adoption scam and had the added insult of choosing a very poorly run adoption agency). Unlike most people we went directly to adoption (the "sure thing"), had the issues, and then decided to try fertility treatments (we have male infertility) and I have MS so me getting pregnant has its own set of risks. It's been 7 months of timed IUIs, 4 w/clomid. I'm getting ready to have surgery to find out if there is any anatomical reason (scarring, endometriosis, PCOS, etc.) because all my testing came back normal. Grrrr... We stopped working with the terrible adoption agency when we began working with the fertility clinic, but we do have an updated homestudy and profile so we've decided to apply to some agencies that don't cost anything unless you get chosen by an expectant mother. Should becoming a mom be such a struggle?
Tracey~
I promise...no platitudes. You put your emotion into words beautifully. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
I'm sorry you are feeling so down and frustrated. Prayers being said.
As I write this I am praying for you.....I don't understand so many of the things in life that God allows and doesn't allow.....I get angry too...But God is so good....He can handle our anger.....The important thing is to just keep talking to Him and trusting Him, even when we don't understand.
I'm praying for you!
God Bless,
Amy:)
((hugs))
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