Tuesday, March 20, 2018

WAKING UP

I'm reading a book: CARRY ON WARRIOR by GLENNON MELTON.

Glennon exposes her life in all it's malfunctioning glory. She puts her life on display and makes no apologies. She says, "There is the public self who says everything is fine and says the right things in order to belong and the secret self who thinks other things."

I've got so sick of listening to myself drone on to others about how fine things are, how perfect.

Marriage is work, money is tight, my kids drive me nuts, I'm a nag, I worry about the future and I don't drink lemon water. 

Mom's are suppose to have it all figured out. I don't feel that I can confess to yelling, not feeding my kids balanced meals every night or sometimes, not really liking being a mom (OMG....did she just say that!), without being told how these are the best days of my life, "this too will pass," I am so lucky to stay home and I just need to "x, y and z" and it will all be better.

1. They may be "the best days of my life," but criticizing or judging me because I don't think so and and saying this to me while I am tired and cranky, while cleaning up vomit and poop (lots and lots of poop) and dealing with tantrums (shatter your eardrums, screaming), plus I'm doing this all on no sleep (for the past 4 years) doesn't help. Instead, I need to hear, "I've been there. This is a really hard job. There are only 6 more hours until bedtime. Good for you, they are still alive."

2. "This too will pass".....thanks....so will your kidney stone, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

3. I know I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my boys, when so many other moms can't, but again it doesn't mean it is easy. I taught school for 25 years and having a full time job, was so much easier then this. This is only my second year into being a full time, stay-at-home mom and although I love being able to pee whenever I want, being on the go all day, constant noise, balancing marriage and cleaning and cooking and finances and outings and phone calls and emails and doctor appointments and school projects and errands and grocery shopping etc...etc...etc...with little appreciation...it's still a work in progress.

4. I don't mind getting advice from someone who has been there and has new ideas for me to try, but judging me because I am not doing "this" the same way they do it, is not helpful. A friend of mine and I chat a lot about our kids and our issues, and how we do things totally different and what works for her, may not work for me, but we don't condemn each other because we do it differently. We have discussed, often, how we want to write a book on how to parent, called, "WHATEVER WORKS." There will be many chapters including: feeding, meal prep, discipline, sleep issues, school, schedules, and health, to name a few. Open to any chapter and the only thing it will say is, "WHATEVER WORKS." Because no two parents or kids are alike. One thing that works for me may not work for you. Breastfeeding may work for you, but that's not an option for me, I adopted. You may love to cook and it's a joy for you, but cooking is agonizing to me and my kids won't die because they get boxed mac-n-cheese once a week. Your child hates broccoli, mine loves it. Are you a bad parent because you don't make your child eat it? My other son hates pizza. So on pizza night he eats a salad. Yes, he voluntarily eats salad. I taught school for 25 years, but if I home-schooled my children, we wouldn't survive the day. Others love it. Yes, actually love it. That's ok. WHATEVER WORKS.

Glennon says, "Why is it that the moment you express that something is hard (as all important jobs are) people feel the need to suggest your not doing it right or that then maybe you shouldn't have done it at all."

Confession.....I have not unfriended, but I no longer "follow" family and friends that only post (on FACEBOOK) how wonderful their lives are and how perfect their children are. I know it's a lie.

The truth. I am rarely fine......and I am SO, SO far from perfect...in the few "real" conversations I've had, the people I've had them with are downright shocked to learn that I do not have it all together and I am not the strong person I display. As my sister expressed to me once, I wear a suit of armor to protect myself, and very few people get through it.

Let's be honest folks.

No one really knows what they are getting themselves in for when they sign up for this. We are all told "this won't be easy," but we don't really, believe it. We've graduated, held down productive jobs, lived through pain, made major moves and had to make some really tough decisions in our lives. It will be a little different when we have kids, but we'll figure it out. Right?! Nope! Not for at least 18 years.

It will be great sometimes, but it's ok to say that it will also SUCK!


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