When the hospital released Samuel to us after 2 days in the NICU and let us take him home my first thought was, you're letting us walk out with this little creature and you think we know what we are doing? Ha, ha!
As we drove across town I thought any minute a cop will pull us over and tell us to take him back. I've been around babies all my life, but how do I balance him with everything else. How will I know if I'm doing it right? I had lots of questions....What if I brake him? How much should he sleep? Should I use a pacifier? What is that rash? Why is he coughing?
As the months went by.....I had lots of questions......Will he grow up happy and healthy if I don't make all his baby food from scratch? Why isn't he walking yet? Why isn't he talking? Am I holding him too much? Is he normal? Will he be ok when I go back to work?
As the years went by....I had lots of questions.......Should I let him cry it out? How do I discipline him for that? What if he never learns his ABC's? Will he like his baby brother?
Well, five years later, I still have lots of questions, but now I have them all over again for Andrew....
Why isn't he sleeping? Will he ever talk? Will he be ok when I go back to work?
More years go by........Will he like his older brother? How will he do in school?
I wasn't able to stay home with my babies (after the first three months) when they were babies, so I was always stressed about work and balancing that with home life. Not working outside the home takes one thing off my plate, but being at home full-time is much harder than having a full time job. I have never been patient or calm. I'm very organized and a control freak. I felt guilty about that for a long time. Now I have stopped apologizing for being me. It is what it is. I'm a work in progress.
God has given me these two boys to raise. So if He has confidence in my abilities, already knowing who I am, then I have to just go with it.
Day by day......
No comments:
Post a Comment