Richard was on the phone talking to her and all of a sudden his eyes got BIG and he said, "Really?" and he handed the phone to me......
"K" said, "I'm pregnant. I'm keeping this one. It's by the same man."
To be totally honest we kind of expected the, "I'm pregnant again," phone call, but the "I'm keeping it," part we certainly didn't expect since, except for graduating high school, her situation hasn't changed at all....and the..."It's by the same man," part we definitely didn't expect, since she told us she didn't know who the father was.
I've been sorting out my feelings for awhile now....and...I'm angry....I feel like I've been lied to. You told us you didn't know who this man was. She's not in any better a position to raise a child then she was 2 years ago. Richard and I said we would continue our visits and a relationship as long as we felt her life was stable and she was making good decisions, but now I don't know if that is the case.
I decided to call "K's" mother (We'll call her Grandma K.) I wanted to get her perspective on all this and to find out if she knew any details about this guy. We have always had a close connection because of our closeness in age and because Grandma K has never been able to have children either ("K" was adopted too.).
I found out that after our visit at Christmas, which I thought went great, but apparently didn't, "K" was hurt that Sam paid more attention to Grandma K then to her. Grandma K gave Sam a book with wheels and was engaged with him, while "K" didn't talk nor interact with him. At the time, I just took this as her being shy.
Anyway, Grandma K said that soon after this visit, "K" went off birth control and hooked up with Sam's birth dad again out of anger and spite. As Grandma K put it..."Fine, I'll just have a baby of my own and then you'll have to pay attention to me." Grandma K is very upset and hopes that "K" will change her mind about keeping the baby. They find out the sex of the baby in April and she is due in September. Her parents do not feel she has matured any, nor is in any position to take care of a child. She still lives at home and is not working. The guy doesn't want anything to do with "K," the new baby or Samuel, but has said that "if it is proven" that he is the dad then he'll pay child support, but that is all.
I feel very sorry for the entire family. "K" obviously has something missing in her life that she is trying to fill with men....and now she thinks that this baby will get her the attention she so desperately wants. I pray that she will go back to counseling and God will calm her soul and help her make the right decisions for this new little one.
7 comments:
Oh how sad for K. It's so sad that the decision that she's made to get pg again is not going to give her what she wants. Its only going to make her life so much difficult. Its just so horribly sad that which she's hurting, she has only made her hurt increase by doing this. I cannot imagine what would cause you go back to a guy that you KNOW is only going to use you. I just do not get that at all. Clearly she's got issues, but to put yourself in a position where your hurt is only going to increase. Sigh.
Well, I wonder if she does decision to place this child for adoption if she will ask you to adopt this new baby so Sam & his bio sibling could be together. Or will she select another family.
So heartbreaking...for all involved.
OH I know those feelings all too well! My son's birthmother (who we have contact through text messages, her preferred method of communication) told us not long after our son's first birthday that she was pregnant again, super excited and keeping the baby etc.... she carried this on till right before she was "due" then she said she miscarried- um you don't miscarry at 9months! We live in the same town so I thought we would send flowers etc... to the funeral home however come to find out it was all a LIE! Talk about betrayed, I was so angry, why was she playing these games with me? So I cut off all communication for a while only to start returning texts this past winter, when lo and behold she claims she is pregnant again, super excited, its a girl and she is keeping it- now believe me I had serious doubts!!! However it turned out to be true. She was in no better situation having this little one than when she had our son, yet she was super excited and keeping the baby. UGH! I just worry what this will do to our son down the road when he finds out etc... and of course I worry about that baby and it's well being. SO sad.
I am thinking about you all, you all are in my prayers!
OH I know those feelings all too well! My son's birthmother (who we have contact through text messages, her preferred method of communication) told us not long after our son's first birthday that she was pregnant again, super excited and keeping the baby etc.... she carried this on till right before she was "due" then she said she miscarried- um you don't miscarry at 9months! We live in the same town so I thought we would send flowers etc... to the funeral home however come to find out it was all a LIE! Talk about betrayed, I was so angry, why was she playing these games with me? So I cut off all communication for a while only to start returning texts this past winter, when lo and behold she claims she is pregnant again, super excited, its a girl and she is keeping it- now believe me I had serious doubts!!! However it turned out to be true. She was in no better situation having this little one than when she had our son, yet she was super excited and keeping the baby. UGH! I just worry what this will do to our son down the road when he finds out etc... and of course I worry about that baby and it's well being. SO sad.
I am thinking about you all, you all are in my prayers!
I can only tell you things from my side of this situation. I had my daughter at 15 years of age and at 18 I had my son. I am ashamed to admit that I was still in high school but engaged to be married and the baby wasn't planned and he wasn't the right timing. We didn't have a lot of money but I did have the Dad around this time. Maybe, I was stupid and careless again because I was hurting so badly from missing my daughter. We struggled some and my Dad let us live with him for about six months or so. We did okay and made it. Sure, it wasn't easy but there was no way I could go through with another adoption.I don't believe adoption was the best choice for him. Pray that she becomes the right kind of parent that can make it work and be a Mom to this child and not that she makes the decision of adoption. I hope if she chooses adoption that she would choose you guys but in my heart I hope she grows and can be a Mom this time.
I don't know how you'd feel about taking the kid, even if she did decide to place him/her for adoption. I also know that privately there would be $$ involved. We chose not to take a sibling born when the twins were 10 months old and the older boy was not yet two, because of not thinking we could handle 4 kids under two. After they got older, I was sad that my daughter didn't have her sister around, but know at the time it wasn't possible. I hope K figures out what is missing in her life so she can start making better decisions.
Sad for all involved...except maybe Sam, who will have a sibling out there somewhere.
Small silver lining #2--maybe now you can find out who the biological father is for medical purposes, etc.
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