Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Here is the first post in the series I've untitled DEAR AUNT HARRIET. The idea for this came from this post. This person has come to us for some guidance. Grab a cup of coffee and let's have a chat...
Dear Aunt Harriet,

My question for y'all is, "When do you know it's time to cut your loses and run?" I'm talking divorce here!

I'm 47 years old and we have no children. We married late and this is the first marriage for both of us. I was 41 and he was 43. Our courtship was beautiful. He swept me off my feet. We went everywhere together. I thought this was the best man ever. We dated for 2 years. Now that we are married he doesn't try anymore. I'm the last thing on his mind instead of the first. We don't argue but I feel like one day is the same as the next. I hate living paycheck to paycheck and always having to worry. The spark just isn't there anymore. We've become roommates.

I know the vows say "In good times and in bad" but is this all I have to look forward to for the rest of my life? If he was this way when we were dating I wouldn't have married him. He's boring now. Besides the obvious reasons of affairs and abuse is there ever a time when divorce is ok? What do I do?


If you want to comment, please follow blogging protocols. I also reserve the right to reject those comments that are rude or hurtful.


Jacksmom said...

Dear Anonymous,

Most people would say that marriage should be a one time deal. I can tell you my husband is much different than he was before we got married. For a while I felt like a single parent who had a roommate. He was awesome before we got married, and we dated a year and a half, and lived together for much of that before we got married. Our love has changed, there isn't that spark that was there initially, but we still love and care for each other very much. It's just different now and not in a bad way.

You say your husband is boring and there is no spark. Have you talked to him about this? Can you try to bring that spark back? Make date nights a priority. Look into some books for putting that spark back into the bedroom. What about marriage counseling to see if there are some underlying issues you can work out? I was considering divorce about a year and a half ago with my husband for many reasons, some of which you have stated you have. It really helped, and while I can't say things are perfect, we understand each other better, and we're making it work. We also have a child involved, so we had quite a bit of incentive to make it work.

I just don't think you should give up without a fair fight-counseling, attempting to spend more time together, talking about how much it would mean to you for you to have date nights. Marriage isn't easy, believe me, but I don't believe all is lost for you. If you find that you've put in effort to try and make things happen, and they're not, and he's not wanting it to happen, then I don't think it should be "all you have to look forward to in life."

Good luck!

Connie said...

The very least this guy deserves is an honest, open discussion about your feelings. Is he even aware of your state of mind? Does he feel the same way? If it's mutual, go your separate ways, but if not, I think you are obligated to try to make it work, via counseling or whatever can help you over this hump.