THE "REAL" HOUSEWIVES....PLEASE!

I love THE REAL HOUSEWIVES of Atlanta, New Jersey, Orange County and especially, THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC ! This is comedic relief for me. These women are so over the top, living a life that is so far from "reality," with so much DRAMA, that it makes me ECSTATIC that I am NOT them.

I don't catch every episode and you really don't need to because these women dwell on past slights for days, weeks and entire seasons, in some cases.

It's not like you're missing them saving the world or anything. They spend their time: working out, getting plastic surgery, eating at fancy restaurants, shopping (clothes, yachts, shoes, cars, homes, etc...) attending fashion shows or anything where they can be photographed by the press, hosting events (wine tasting, dinner, tanning party), giving to charities (to show how philanthropic they are...) fighting, spoiling their children, bailing their children out, launching a book (clothing line, drink...), divorcing, marrying, dating, posing for pictures (they're going to need back surgery from sticking out their chests so far...), talking about how wonderful they are or gossiping about others.

I have to comment on the title....THE REAL HOUSEWIVES....Housewife is a term used to describe a married female who is not employed outside of the home. Most of these women have jobs outside the home, which I have no problem with, but they are RARELY at home. Even the ones who have children, spend so much time away from them that they need nannies to take up the slack.

This is the cast of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC:

Ramona Singer is this very bizarre (deer in the headlight eyes), outspoken, easily offended know-it-all. She loves pinot grigio and "fashion." She has a 14 year old daughter that dresses like an old lady. Ramona thinks that asking someone about their boob job at a fancy dinner party is appropriate. "I don't know why people are so easily offended?"

Jill Zarin likes to put on "charity" events to "show" how charitable she is. Last season her best friend told her to, "get a hobby," and she is willing to lose the friendship over it. She was so offended by the comment that she has kept the message on her cell phone and shares it with others so they will be offended for her. She likes her friends to "need" her and can't be happy for others successes. She had her apartment redecorated and now it is gaudier then it was. She also has a fancy suitcase that she just uses for shoes ($1,000-$5,000 a pair). The money these people have to blow is obscene!

Bethenny Frankel has a very quick wit and is very sarcastic. For that, I like her, but she's also very crass, pompous and unless the conversation is about her, she's not interested. She posed nude (almost) for PETA's, "I'd rather go naked then wear fur," campaign, and didn't understand why her boyfriend would be upset when she sent on the pictures to his work e-mail. She also came up with some drink called a "Skinny Girl Margarita" and has a book on how to cook and live healthy.

LuAnn de Lesseps....she was married to a Duke, who's family was responsible for building the Suez Canal, and is "technically" a Countess and introduces herself as such and is very offended when others don't use the term too. Her nose is so high in the air, she suffers from nose bleeds. She has written an etiquette book called, Class with the Countess...it is quite ironic because she has the LEAST class of all of them. Her teenage daughter told her that some of her high-school guy friends think that she is "hot," and "Miss Class" was obviously proud of this. It was disgusting.

Kelly Killoren Bensimon is a model, but I never heard of her until this show. She is 40 years old this year and posing for the "classy" PLAYBOY. For being a model, her fashion sense stinks. These women think that the less they cover the hotter they are. She is also known for showing up to events late, to make an entrance and leaving early because, she has "another event to attend." I think it's a whole lot of baloney just to draw more attention to herself. Like her cleavage doesn't do that already. I would be SO embarrassed to have her as my mother.

Alex McCord is the nicest of the bunch. Don't get me wrong, she is still extremely egotistical and materialistic, but she causes the least drama. Her main focus is "fashion" and her children (François, 4, and Johan, 2), in that order. She is married to....

...Simon van Kempen who is the "gayest" (not meant to offend) acting straight man, I have ever seen. He loves "fashion" too and he loves being "just one of the housewives." I have not figured out yet by he and Alex have different last names. Just me being old fashion, I guess.

These people are so disfunctional it makes the Octomom, Kate Gosselin, Tiger Woods, and the Osborns look like they have simple, boring, ordinary families.

I am not bashing these people out of any jealousy because I brake out each week just watching them run their lives into the ground. It certainly would be nice to have the money, but living in a city, in front of cameras, wearing 5 inch heals and skin tight dresses, while running around trying to make people love me, is not my idea of a good time.

If I did have more money then I knew what to do with...what would I do with it....honestly...

* have a large farmhouse in the country
* adopt more kids
* splurge on a cook and a maid (I'm being honest...I hate housework.)
* travel
* start a school/camp for kids living in poverty
* give money away secretly to deserving organizations/individuals
* pay off peoples bills anonymously (I love to do this now, but on a much smaller scale...by the next person in line her coffee, pay the toll for the next car, etc....)
* start a scholarship

So, what do you think....do you watch the "housewives".....what would you do if you were RICH! How many of you would splurge on the maid like I did.....be honest now!?