Check out my first three posts on this topic....
*If Not Adoption, Then What? Part 1
I know this person is in severe pain and I feel very sad for her. However, I don't want those who are in the middle of an adoption or those still considering adoption to be scared because of her experience. Of course adoption causes pain for the birth mother, but I think the point is, that we are looking at what is best for the child. Just as she is steadfast in her convictions against adoption, I am steadfast in mine for adoption.
In part two of The Case Against Adoption the author brings up the Bible.
"....Personally, I feel anyone with the ability to read comprehensively can see the blatant fact God does NOT condone adoption practises as they are today... and from what the Bible does say about God, I would even suggest He actually does not approve of adoption at all. Why do I say this?... hmmm, Moses led his own people (i.e. natural family and tribe) with his natural brother Aaron out of Egypt at God's behest... which also meant turning against his adoptive family, also at God's command...... "
* First, I see that anyone can distort the Bible to fit how they feel.
* The Bible is full of references to being adopted, Jesus by Joseph, being the most obvious and God was all for that one! In fact, He set that one up himself!
* No where does it say that Moses "turned against" his adoptive family, in fact the adoptive mother came with him when he left Egypt!
"....the 'Baby Scoop Era' (BSE) is a term used to describe the era of 'mass relinquishment' of newborns in the United States starting in the early 50's and following through to the mid/late 70's......The stories that have come out of this period of time are truly horrific and show a mass violation of human rights in both the mother and child."
* 1950's when pregnant unmarried women were wisked away to have their children (TRUE), but this is not the 1950's.
"The fraudulent practise of 'open' adoption. In this scam, a vulnerable mother is inundated by agencies telling her how wonderful she is for choosing adoption. While she is still pregnant and in the eyes of normal, rational society as an expectant mother, in the adoption world, she is swiftly demoted to birthmother, a title she has to wear for the rest of her pregnancy, drumming it into her head she is not a mother and this baby is not hers. Pre-birth matching is common with agencies giving an expectant mother profiles of hopeful couples and she gets to choose, all the while being promised the world of contact and the fact she won't be really losing her child."
*I'm not sure what agency she got this information from, however, the agency I dealt with at no time told "K" that she was not Samuel's mother. They also were very honest with her that although the contract says "A," once the adoption is final "B" could happen (although we will honor what we agreed to). "K" was not told she had to place Samuel for adoption or even should place him. She was counseled and through many conversations came to realize that as a 17 year old girl, she was not ready mentally, financially or emotionally to be a mother.
The author then lists adoption horror stories...black market babies, scams for money or drugs, swapping a live baby with a dead baby, illegally transporting babies from one country to another, murder, abductions and the list continues. These cases certain did and do happen. I agree there are horrible people in the world, BUT, that does not negate all the good that comes form adoption: cultures mixing and coming together, orphans having food and shelter, babies who otherwise would have been aborted, having a chance to become amazing people and this list goes on and on!
"My question then, is if adoption was so good, so fabulous as the advocates would have us think it is, why then is there so much pain involved? Why so much controversy? Why, if it is so loving, does more anguish, more destruction result from it? Personally, I believe people have so much invested in adoption for their own needs they haven't stopped to look at the real truth, the hard facts about what it actually does. I cannot comprehend the desire to erase a child's history, heritage, cultural identity to fulfil one's own lustful desire. I cannot comprehend how a guillotine effect to separate a mother and child cannot be seen as anything but cruel and unnecessary. It is beyond me to understand how causing MORE suffering, MORE pain, MORE loss is actually beneficial to anyone involved in adoption."
* The lies and pain inflicted upon her have blinded her.
* I do not wish to "erase a child's history, heritage, cultural identity". Samuel will always know his history, heritage and cultural identity. He is Columbian and Puerta Rican and we will learn along with him, what that means.
"For the couple whose dreams have been shattered by the news they cannot ever bear their own children, I cannot see how offering a band-aid and invalidating their LOSS is helpful. Too often I hear and see couples faced with this devastating news only to be told its not the end of the world as they can always adopt. I'm sorry but these two issues need to be completely separated. This news is a LOSS all of its own. Most girls I knew growing up, like myself, had dreams about our future children and to be suddenly told they will never be realised is traumatic. These people need to be given the love, support and recognition they deserve, not to be thrown into the pit of creating pain for another family to ease their own."
* It is devastating not to be able to birth my own child, but through much soul searching, I came to realize that my main goal was to be a mother and I love Samuel no less because he did not come from my own body. Should "K" have aborted, kept him and caused them both to go into poverty, sent Samuel into foster care, what?
"I have often heard if we lived in a perfect world adoption wouldn't need to exist. Separating out the issues of abuse, neglect etc, I really do not see the need for the world to be perfect before we rid it of adoption. If adoption was truly a success where all three main parties reported they were truly happy about their situation then perhaps there would be a need for adoption. But in 9/10 cases I know of, have heard of and researched, it is more likely 1-2 parties are unhappy which to me equates to adoption overall being one giant failure."
I do not believe that "in 9/10 cases... it is more likely 1-2 parties are unhappy." If I did, I would not have adopted. I do not want to cause harm to Samuel. Life is not perfect and for that reason alone, we need adoptions to continue and increase exponentially.
"I want a valid reason as to why you think it is okay to continue a practise that is founded on loss, pain, scams, damage and destruction."
So, that's your task, my wonderful followers. I've put my opinion out there and now it's your turn to give her your "valid reason."