Monday, January 4, 2010


To those who are upset that I am NOT publishing their comments,

I don't mind healthy debate or if you disagree with me, but I will not publish comments that use profanity (Does this really warrant me being called the "C" word.), tell me I am a bad person because I adopted or those who say I "stole" my child. I will also not be threatened into publishing a comment by those who say, "if you do not publish my comment, then I will just post something about you on my blog."

I know I haven't walked in another's shoes. That is why I said I understand that she feels the way she does because of her experience. I don't want my words twisted either. That is why I have purposely "quoted" others so you can read their own words. It was never my intention to send anyone to another site to attack anyone. I am sorry this happened to you kesseo4.

I would also like to apologize to kesse04 who commented and I did delete her comment in my e-mail (by accident) and when I went to the moderation page it wouldn't let me publish. I tried to go to her blog to ask her to comment again, but it was private. Sorry, it is in it's entirety (Question: Can you publish something after you have sent it to the trash?):

"If you look at the whole site, you can see that a lot of the adoptees on the board (myself included) are just there trying to navigate adoption reunions or use other adoptees as a sounding board. This site is for adoptees to express myself, and while I may not agree with some of the more militant attitudes, it's a site for adoptees not adopters (I have a great relationship with my adoptive parents, so this is not the issue). I am not anti-adoption. I am just for adoption reform. I am reunited with birthparents and still have to go to court to officially recieve medical records, etc.
To address your opinions in your blog, children are not "blank slates" please refer to the Primal Wound, not all children are effected the same way by adoption, but they are not blank slates and I can give you my mom's email and she can verify this (she has adopted three other children besides myself). I guess what I'm trying to say is please look at the tone of your post. I agree with some of what you are saying, as I have some experience with the foster system and believe that adoption is a better alternative. But I believe in complete disclosure to an adoptee (at eighteen should get all the information, should never not know was adopted, have access to medical history and original birth certif. etc.). All I am saying is, I come to the site to talk about how adoption effected me, get other perspectives on adoption reunion and how to handle it, so please respect that. Not all adult adoptees are against adoption, and just because I am on a site trying to get feedback does not mean I am unbalanced, it means I have a right to my legitmate feelings because I am an adoptee, and you will never fully understand that because you are not. Also, never have I said I was mad at God, please do not make assumptions or lump an entire group together. I understand that you are trying to make a point, but please realize that this site isn't just militant adoptees, there are negative aspects of adoption and there are positive. I am not against adoption, I just think there needs to be more honesty and really please stop using the "blank slate" schtik, it's not a valid argument anymore, the child comes equiped with a whole other set of dna and nine months of bonding with the birth mother. My mom realized this and it's healthy. I was adopted in the eighties and the whole adoption scene is changing/has changed, but talk is acceptable, and honesty is healthy. period. You can have you opinion on what adoptees are suppossed to feel, and thats ok, but as an adoptee if i would like to come on a site to see whats typical in reunions or just to talk about my experiences with other adoptees, that is ok, i am not saying i am agains adoption, so please do not group us all or link the site for me to be attacked when i have done nothing wrong.
PS. I do try to see if from your point of view and i do realize you are only trying to validate/protect your family and the way it was created and I understand that. And I can respect that, but I don't want a bunch of people coming on a site that is not all anti adoption... does that make sense."


Becky said...

Wow Tracey!
Again, so sorry that 'they' have found you and are attacking you! I know the feeling!!!
Good for you for standing up! Speaking back!
It's your blog for Pete's sake, you don't have to publish ANYTHING that you don't want to!!

Thanks for being a strong voice for those of us adoptive parents who love our children, their birth families and have not done anything wrong by doing so!!!!

Cricket said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
They called her Chloe said...

thanks for publishing kesse04's comment. Please everyone out there - please read what adoptees have to say...I can't stress it enough...