Check out my first two posts on this topic....here and here.
The most disturbing blog I have found is LIVING IN THE SHADOWS. First I want you to go here, which explains where this woman is coming from. She was lied to and coerced into placing her child for adoption. I understand how her experience has caused these beliefs and I feel very sorry for her. With that said, I disagree with most of the rest of her blog.
In the sidebar she has a four part post entitled THE CASE AGAINST ADOPTION. In the INTRODUCTION she makes some very interesting points, however....
* I do not think the alternative is to have children languish in foster care without having any real sense of family.
* I do not think that mother's who have no education or financial where-with-all should be "made" to keep children, possible from rape, that were unwanted.
* I do not think that I should have to "support" you. You are the one choosing to keep your child and if you really don't have the means to do so, maybe this isn't the best choice. I do believe in charity, but if adoption was abolished I think "the system" would be OVERFLOWING with those needing "support."
* I agree that some adoptions are illegal and children have been stolen.
* I know my adopted child is not a toy or a pet and he is not second best to a biological child.
* I agree that some people do not stand by what they agreed to do in the adoption plan, but if they are really thinking about the child they would.
* I agree that the foster care system needs a major overhaul, but to "abolish" adoption all together would create a monumental crisis that the world would not soon get over.
In PART 1 of her CASE AGAINST ADOPTION she goes into ancient adoption, where she explains The Code of Hammurabi.
“Adoption had to be with consent of the real parents, who usually executed a deed making over the child, who thus ceased to have any claim upon them. But vestals, hierodules, certain palace officials and slaves had no rights over their children and could raise no obstacle. Foundlings and illegitimate children had no parents to object. If the adopted child discovered his true parents and wanted to return to them, his eye or tongue was torn out.”
* Adopting an "orphaned" child is ok, but adopting other children is not?
* Adoption in the past (ancient history) was indeed for the adult's benefit only, but certainly things have changed since then.
* The open-adoption I have does not "require" my son to cut ties with his natural family and I would be remiss in my parenting of him if I allowed that to happen.
* Stolen babies, illegal adoptions, unethical legal practices ....I get it....but I do not think this is the norm.
She then says, "So okay, you say, what then? What if adoption is gone and no longer exists? What about all those children who are abandoned (although this number is greatly exaggerated), abused, neglected etc? What do we do with them? From what I gather, adoption as it is right now appears to be more about infant adoption than adoption for those children who are in need of a stable home. Cute newborns who are supposedly (according to some uninformed individuals) blank slates, are in the highest demand. Children languishing in our foster care systems are the biggest proof that adoption is about the adults and not the children. If more people were interested in caring for children, less children would fall into the foster care system."
* I do not think the number of abandoned children is "greatly exaggerated."
* For the most part I do agree that newborns are "blank slates"
* Personally, I did try to adopt through the foster care system and after a year we were no closer to adoption then the day we started. The foster care system's goal is "parent reunification." They give the "natural parents" (drug addicts etc...) more then enough chases to get their lives in order, while the child is bounced around from foster home to foster home and I feel they, in no way, are thinking of the child's best welfare, but are totally looking at the adult's needs.
Her next comment:
"As intelligent human beings (at least I hope we are), there is no reason ethically and morally why we cannot work out another alternative to adoption. There is no real reason we cannot abolish adoption and yet still provide care for these precious children who truly need it."
Until this way is found....what would you have us do? Provide "care" ....I am not Samuel's babysitter...I am his mother!
"Sealing records and hiding birth certificates benefits nobody in the long run. Contact with the family of Origin would not need to be a threat if it was conducted in the best interests of the child."
TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS!
"Back in ancient times, little was known about the damages adoption would cause. It is obvious adoptees back then tried to return to their families which is why the Code of Hammurabi includes a law that states an adopted person will have their eye cut out or their tongue cut off if they sought out their origins."
* Back in ancient times...these cast off children died in the streets....
Some adoptions were and are bad, as her experience was, BUT, that does not negate all the good. As she can name blog after blog of people who are against adoption, I can name just as many who are for it. Would she have these cases terminated?
More to come.....
ps...I have now turned comment moderation on...I do not mind a healthy debate and people expressing their opinions, even if they are different then mine, but I do not want vulgarity, abuse or harassment and I will delete those types of comments. Thank you.