Thursday, December 31, 2009

THE GOOD WIFE

These are my goals for the new year.....


* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

This does not say it can't be from the freezer, right?!

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

...unlike you...why would you be "work-weary?" You've been home all day playing with the children.

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

If I were a little "gay" that would certainly make his life more interesting. "Duties!" Those are fightin' words!

* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.

But if I clear the clutter then the dirt will show. What's a dust cloth?

* During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Maybe I could burn the clutter in this fire. "catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction," ...just keep telling yourself this and you'll eventually believe it.

* Be happy to see him.

I've heard that Botox will help with this one.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

....again...Botox...or maybe Kahlua and cream!

* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

"his topics of conversation are more important than yours," ...because the bills, the broken refrigerator and the grass that needs to be mowed can be handled by......YOU!

* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

..."try to understand his world of strain," because straining to "pop" out his children doesn't really count.

* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Save those for his day off!

* Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

After all you are his servant and servants don't question the master. If he's out all night the remote is yours!

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Maybe, I'll train the dog to bring him his slippers too.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

...and then throw the shoes at his head.

* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

He wouldn't know the answers anyway. The poor man still doesn't know where the dishes go.

* A good wife always knows her place.

In the Lazy Boy, by the fire, with a good book and a cup of coffee, delegating and watching my minions do my bidding....this is right, isn't it!?

Housekeeping Monthly 13 May 1955

1 comment:

Mountain Girl said...

That was hilarious - I was laughing aloud! Now, I want to know if the same is true if the woman works outside of the home (there are only dog "children") and the man stays at home. I haven't seen him lift a dust cloth - he probably doesn't know what one is either! Or use the vacuum. He does do the dishes on occasion when 1) he can't find his coffee pot because there are too many dishes laying around or 2) the dishes are overflowing in the sink.