Wednesday, December 30, 2009
THE BEST HOPE
If you read my first post on this topic you know that I am shocked and confused by this new realm I have discovered: people who think adoption should be "abolished."
In just a short time of reading these blogs, I very quickly realized, that all of them have had negative experiences with adoption: some go back the 1950's when pregnant girls were whisked away to some unknown city to "visit a sick cousin" (hide the pregnancy) and it was all hush hush and no one ever knew where the baby went, some were tricked with drugs into signing away their rights, some had horribly abusive adoptive parents, some were promised letters and pictures, but never received them and some were not counseled well and were made to feel guilty and dirty. They prefer to be called "first mothers" or "natural mothers" not birth mothers. They feel they are the only "true" mother of their child.
I also learned that many adoptees are still being denied their original birth certificates. This is a great shame. I know that some "natural mothers" wish to remain anonymous, but one of the reasons for having "open" adoption is so that medical records (of hereditary diseases, heart or blood issue), if needed, are available.
They are also offended that the birth certificates are altered, as they see it, wiping them out of their child's life.
I feel horrible that these women have had these experiences, but in their hurt, anger and betrayal they are trying to turn others against adoption, harassing bloggers who have adopted and lumping everyone's motives in together.
I cried reading this woman's story, of how, under heavy medication, she signed away her parental rights and her child was taken away.
They seem to have this feeling that EVERY adopted child feels abandoned. I can tell you that this is not the case. My husband is adopted and is very secure. ABANDONED is not how he feels. So there have to be others out there like him. Being adopted very seldom even crosses my husbands mind. It's not "who he is," but how he came to be with his family.
They are so mad at God that they can't see that He does have a plan and sometimes that plan does not include being raised by the "natural parents." One even said, "I almost never pray for someone else,..." This in itself tells me that they are just thinking of themselves and not the child. I did not want, nor need, to "steal" anyone's baby. However, I do believe that Samuel was "destined" to be raised by Richard and I.
Some just come right out with it. They are ANTI-ADOPTION just as the title says.
I do not see myself as the "second-best" option for Samuel nor do I see myself as "rescueing" him. I am not some hero, although some people have tried to make it seem like I did this just to "be kind," saying, "You are so wonderful to adopt," which is really quite maddening. This is just the way I was meant to become a mom.
In no way do I agree with children being "taken" from their "natural mothers." I do feel however that "honest" counseling can help them think through "what is best for the child." This may mean raising their child, but, yes, sometimes that does mean that the "natural parents" are not fit ("A parent may be deemed unfit if they have been abusive, neglected, or failed to provide proper care for the child. A parent with a mental disturbance or addiction to drugs or alcohol may also be found to be an unfit parent. Failure to visit, provide support, or incarceration are other examples of grounds for being found unfit.") and adoption could be the best plan.
I can not imagine the pain and heart ache mothers go through when they choose adoption, let alone when it is forced upon them, but when you look at the other options: abortion, foster care, unfit home, etc...adoption, although not perfect (as nothing is), certainly is the best hope.
More to come......
Labels: In My Opinion