As I rolled over this morning, glanced at the alarm clock, my conscienceness slowly returned. My eyes feel like they are the size of baseballs and as I stare at the ceiling, a white milky hue outlines the edges of my vision. Thoughts pass in and out of my mind. Is she still asleep? Is she quietly fidgeting in church trying to find a comfortable position to sit in, while attempting to ignore the sores that yesterday's entertainment inflicted. (I HAVE TO PAUSE HERE...WE WENT HORSE BACK RIDING!) With her contacts back in so soon after the night before (WE SAT UP AND TALKED UNTIL 2 A.M., TALKING!), she blinks twice because of the puffiness that won't seem to go away anytime soon.
Moving into my office I wait with anticipation to see the now traditional "morning after" e-mail. (EACH NIGHT WE WOULD TALK UNTIL 2 A.M. AND BEFORE I EVEN WENT TO BED, I WOULD WRITE HIM AN E-MAIL, SO HE'D GET IT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.) As files appear, that now seem meaningless and serve as a nuisance making me unjustly wait to hear from that somebody who....has made my week worth every hazy unfocused moment, the somebody who has made me question my every action, every thought, every word. The somebody who has awakened long dormant thoughts that were believed to have been so distant that the rest of the world had taken on a different significance. That somebody who...has reminded me why we are here to begin with, why we are alive and meant to find someone special that makes my heart seem to pump a little faster when scattered random thoughts drift back to her.
The computer finishes its diagnostic "boot up." And the ISP answers it's instructions at a seemingly slower pace than ever before. (THE DAYS OF DIAL UP!) The mailbox opens up and my desire is at last satisfied. Lying before me are, not 1 but 3 letters, from the person who invades my every waking moment in a way no one has ever before. My first impulse is to open the lowest, most convenient one on the list but reason returns and I highlight the first e-mail sent and begin to read. I sit in my chair and warm feelings wash over me as I am welcomed by the familiar sound of "the somebody who." As I read line by line, my mouth opens in wonder and my tired eyes struggle to read each word and process each thought. I am completely overwhelmed. After so long a wait, such an exhaustive faith-testing search, I find the person I was looking for has found me. She is kind, compassionate, intelligent and so easy going (I FOOLED HIM GOOD ON THE EASY-GOING PART!) that she melts my every fear and hesitation with a subtle inviting glance. Being in her presence my mouth wants to blurt out every thought that runs through my mind when I am with her, away from her and every moment in between. My mind struggles to close the floodgates and put forth only the thoughts that will result in the proper impact. My now clearing consciousness struggles to contemplate the wonder and magic that the world and the future have to offer. The analytical side attempts to calculate the statistical odds that such a connection is possible. Two people in the same place in time, with similar desires, goals and beliefs, could find one another. In doing so, make the injustices that each has suffered from past relationships melt away. As those thoughts reluctantly fade, feelings of warmth and serenity return that not even the biggest mistake could begin to cloud over.
Tracey, Thank you for sharing your time with me. For leading the way when a "carrot" dangled in front of "almost glue" (SPEAKING OF THE SLOW, STUBBORN HORSE HE RODE ON THE DAY BEFORE. WE NICKNAMED HIM "ALMOST GLUE.") proved to be insufficient. Thank you for appreciating my every effort in a way I have not thought possible. Thank you for forgiving my inability to meet you on time because I put too height a premium on the necessity of a spotless residence. Thank you for joining me for dinner, for holding my hands across the table, hanging on my every word and excusing my annoying habit of interrupting your every thought before you can completely express them (HE DOES THIS TO THIS DAY!). Thank you for holding me close on the way back to the car (WE TOOK THE TRAM CAR DOWN FROM THE TOP OF SANDIA PEAK.). For inspiring me to find new ways to express emotions that were dormant so long, I thought might never return. Thank you for finding me. But most of all, Thank you for sharing my happiest moment this weekend had to offer. Holding you in my arms, allowing me to stare deeply into your eyes and wonder how I came to be so lucky that I found such a beautiful angel that possesses every quality that I have been looking for.
I LOVE YOU DEAR HUSBAND! NOW AND FOREVER!