PARENTING by THE BOOK...Chapter 4

THE TOWER OF PARENT-BABBLE: That is why it was called Babel-because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. Genesis 11:9

"In the child-care section of a typical megabookstore one finds books on how to raise very conceivable "type" of child: adopted, difficult, bipolar, anxious, oldest, middle, youngest, only shy, gifted, ADD, ODD, OCD, and on and on and on it goes. Grandma knew that each child was unique to some degree, but she also knew that the "sameness" shared by all children far outweighed their differences." (p. 95)

Although I understand that some children do have special needs, definitely, in that what works for one child will not work for another, however, I also think way too many kids are over diagnosed today and they become their diagnosis.

"Fifty years ago, if a teacher called a parent to report the misbehavior of a child, the parent thanked the teacher for the report and punished the child. Today, a teacher makes such a call with great trepidation, for today's parent is likely to come to the child's defense and even blame the teacher for the problem." (p. 98)

This really hits home. Every year I have to gauge how a parent will react when I have to call them when I have an issue. I usually try to contact every parent within the first couple weeks with something good, just so we get off on the right foot and I can learn a little more about them.

"Instead of viewing a given misbehavior as simply an error that needs to be corrected through the application of proper discipline, today's parents interpret it. What does it mean?" (p. 103)

Bad behavior is not justified by the circumstances. Parents need to teach their children the proper way to deal with their feelings. Children are responsible for what they are doing and need to realize others behavior does not force their hand. Every year I have students that try to justify their behavior by what someone else said or did...."He pushed me." or "He said it too." or "He did it too." It reminds me of the old saying, "If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"

He ends this chapter by discussing how micromanaging parents "began to believe that whether their children turned out well was completely up to them." Parents stopped communicating and consulting each other. They started being their child's friend instead of their parent.

STUDY QUESTIONS:

1. When someone informs you of misbehavior or the part of your child, do you tend to accept the report or do you tend to become defensive?

2. Are you and your spouse on the same page when it come to the children?

3. Have you entered into what amounts to friendship with your child?