MAKING CHILDREN MIND...Chapter #2

Welcome to our discussion of the book, MAKING CHILDREN MIND WITHOUT LOSING YOURS by Dr. Kevin Leman. I would love to read all your thoughts, opinions and comments. My comments will be in green.

Chapter 2: Inconsistency-or How to Raise a Yo-Yo
"...the stronger we were as man and wife the stronger we would be as parents."

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was, "One of the best things you can ever give your child is to love and respect their father."

"Children who have been given love without discipline are often disrespectful and/or too dependent on their parents."

Children will have enough friends in their lives, but they will only have two parents.

"If you want disaster and chaos in your life, do everything for your children. In the process you will rob them of the opportunity to stand on their own two feet and to learn responsibility and accountability, two qualities that are vital in developing a well-balanced adult life."

I see this so much in my classroom. Parents that make their children be responsible and accountable are very rare to find.

"Children don't have a lot of input into authoritarian systems. The authoritarian parent often backs up his 'I know best' attitude with force...I want them to be able to stand, to be responsible and mature, and to think for themselves. If all I have done while they are young is to control and dominate them, they will be at serious disadvantage."

Although I was never hit as a child, I was raised with authoritarian parents and I never had a right to question or make decisions of my own. I had a very hard time adjusting when it was now all up to me.

"...in a permissive environment the children rebel....I believe children want order in their lives. Love isn't giving your kids everything he wants. Today in our society we are raising too many children to be takers. They don't know the meaning of the word give, but they use another word over and over: gimme, gimme, gimme!"

I see so many of my students with every gadget known to man: cell phones, MP3 players, tv's, stereo systems, the new Wii, etc...etc...etc...but they are the rudest and most ungrateful people I have ever met. One blogger mom I read, had her children save for a year to buy their Wii. That is learning the value of a dollar! I know some people who let their teenagers have TOTAL control over the money they make at their job, saying to me, "I can't take that from them, it's their money." I say COWCHIPS to that! How are they going to learn responsible spending habits if all they do is blow their weekly paycheck on $100 jeans and the latest, greatest, new COCO WHATEVER purse. I know another blogger mom that has a great idea. She lets her kids have 10% of what they make and the rest goes in the bank.

"How do they find a middle ground....the one I like the best is authoritative. Don't confuse....with authoritarian. Authoritative parents do not dominate their children and make all decisions for them. Instead, they use the principles of reality discipline, which are tailor-made to give children the loving correction and training of which the Lord approves. Punishment centers in on the child and misses the real problem. But with reality discipline, you can hold the child accountable for what he has chosen to do as you teach him the consequences of making a poor decision."

So, you forget you lunch at home, you'll have to go hungry for the afternoon. You go over the minutes on your cell phone, you lose the cell phone. You brake the toy and want another one, it comes out of your allowance.

Authoritative disciplining involves three things:

1. "Discipline by way of action. The discipline should be swift, direct, effective and as closely tied to the violation of the family rule as possible."

2. "Parents must listen to their children. We've go to be aware of our children and how they perceive life."

3. "Parents should give themselves to their children. Give them all the time you can and the quality will take care of itself."

So many teachers have no discipline and their classrooms are always in chaos. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I don't have that many problems with my own because they know the rules, they know what to expect, I get down on their level and talk to them about their lives, I play games with them and I eat lunch with them. Substitutes never have a problem in my classroom because my students know what I expect even when I am not there. If I have a problem I talk to the students, deal out the consequences and I stick by what I say. If I have to I get the parents or the principal involved, but that doesn't happen very often.

I understand why so many of you home school your children. Just know that there are a lot of great teachers out there.