A lot of parents today need to get their acts together. I hear so many EXCUSES it makes my head spin. So, many times I hear that I have no right to speak on this topic because I don't have children of my own, by ya know what...tough...I'm gonna!
So, with that, I will speak to each excuse individually. Hmmm...where to begin?
"You just don't know how difficult raising children is?"
Yes, I do and who ever told you it wasn't. It's one of the most, if not THE most, difficult job you will ever have. It is also the most rewarding.
"I'm a single parent."
So? This is not your child's fault and they should not have to suffer for it. You chose to be with "that" man or "that" woman and you chose to have his/her child. No, things don't "just happen." You chose to have sex and therefore have to face the consequences. No matter how or why a relationship breaks up, you had a hand in that too.
"She/he trapped me."
Again, you CHOSE to have sex and therefore the consequences are your responsibility.
"I have a lot of children."
So? Again this was your choice. At any time you could have, and should have stopped having unprotected sex.
"I had a bad childhood."
So? You're not a child now. Your life is NOW your responsibility. You can either make the right choice or make the wrong choice right.
"I don't have any time for myself."
That's right. Once you have kids, they come first, not you. Grow up and stop being selfish.
"It's so expensive raising them."
Yes, it is. That's why you need to finish school, and have the where with all to take care of them. Welfare was not meant to be a lifelong substitute for you taking care of yourself.
"I was never good in school, so I can't help them."
So, you'll just watch them fail and continue the cycle you started. Go to the school and ask for help. Learn along with your child. There are a lot of free adult tutoring classes out there.
"I'm going through a lot right now because of my...divorce, sickness...(insert your problem)."
Everyone has something they are going through and that does make life difficult, but that is not your child's fault or problem. Your children should not be made to suffer for your adult problems. Children have an uncanny way of making adults problems their fault and you should not lay any of that at their feet.
"I don't read or write the language of (insert country name you are living in)."
Then start to learn it. Again, there are free tutoring programs you could take. Learn with your child. Listen to TV in that language. You'll eventually pick it up IF you try. If you moved to Japan...you would need to learn Japanese. If you moved to Germany...you would need to learn German. If you moved to Spain...you would need to learn Spanish. So, it stands to reason, that if you move to the The United States...you will need to learn English.
"They don't listen. They lied to me. They talk back to me. I told them to do their homework, but they didn't."
You can't start being a parent when you child is eight, twelve or sixteen and think they will now listen to you. You are a parent from day one and along with love and understanding, children need rules, a routine and consequences. It may be easier just to let them have whatever they want and do whatever they want, but part of your job is to prepare them for the future. Real life does not give you whatever you want and allow you to do whatever you want without any consequences. Saying, "NO," doesn't mean you don't love them.
"I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything."
No, you haven't tried everything and as their parent you don't have the right to give up. Most parents I hear say this, don't really want to do what's necessary to fix the situation. They just want another excuse so they can continue to feel sorry for themselves, do nothing and watch the problem get worse.
"Life isn't fair."
No, it's not. No one ever said it was. Thank God you don't actually get everything you really deserve....I don't think you would want those results either.
So, parents, stop wining and stop making excuses. Get off your butts, make a plan and do what you need to do to make it happen. You're really the only one that can. The way you and your child's life is tomorrow is totally dependant on what you do about it today.
2 comments:
Having taught for only 6 years prior to staying home with my kids, I can relate to all of these excuses and I'm sure have heard every one of them. You are so right! I don't have a very high tolerance threshold for any of them either. The exception being a parent dealing with a terminal illness. I did have a year that was extremely hard on a family b/c mom was dying of cancer. When she reached the point that she came to me and said, "Take care of my baby!" oh boy.....that was tough! And of course he was struggling, work not getting done, etc. but, that was their life right then.
Those are the times that tear your heart out as a teacher and remind you why you chose to do what you do. I was able to provide some love and support for little Ryan and his family!
The other poor, lame excuses, you almost want to throw back to the '90s and say, "Talk to the hand!"
I think especially Tracey b/c after what we've been through to be parents, we don't take any part of it for granted. We're not going to 'slack' or shuck any of our responsibilities. Having gone through infertility and then 2 adoption processes, there is not a day that I don't savor every part of parenthood...even the difficult parts!! And trust me, I did NOT have fun with 2nd grade homework this past year! HA! :o)
There is a place there that makes us so angry still, and wanting to question God, as to why in the world some people are 'allowed' to have chidren at all!!! Truly heartbreaking sometimes! For the kids!
I'm glad you are there for your students and strong for them! There are many that need that!
I don't have a high tolerance for excuses either. I don't even accept excuses from my seven-year-old daughter. I tell her she should never make excuses and that its a cop-out.
For some of the excuses, you might want to direct them to www.flylady.net. Sometime people just need to learn that routines can free your mind from the mundane. It may help those that seem to feel they don't have enough time or too much to do.
On the excuses people come up with for their lack of parenting or how hard the kids are to deal with, if you start young it's best, but kids love boundaries. They test them in order to seek them out to know that you provide security for them. Usually a little while after I've enforced boundaries on my daughter (stand with your nose against the wall for talking back, grounding her from TV because she wasn't at the friend's house she said she'd be at), she gets all lovey-dovey with me, hugging me and telling me how I'm the best mommy ever. That's what they want! To know that you're there, paying attention, and care about them. Not to toot my own horn, but my daughter is much more well behaved than most of her cousins that have looser parenting styles. Except one nephew I have. He's awesome! Last year when he was eight, he got up from the last chair in the room and offered it to me. I complimented my SIL later.
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