As Dr. Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." Learn fro your mistakes and be honest with yourself. People only continue to do behaviors that provide them with some type of payoff. What payoff are you getting from your behaviors?
You can choose to act differently. You can choose to stop the destructive behavior. Acknowledge your feelings. Face your fears squarely. Let go of old patterns that no longer work. It is difficult, exciting and frightening. Growth involves risk. You'll feel an increased sense of self worth and independence. You will then control the fear instead of it controlling you. You will not totally get rid of the fear. Fear can be a good defense mechanism, but it won't trap you and control your life anymore.
As Marcus Aurelius once said, " Our life is what our thoughts make it." Fear is created not by others around us, but by what we think in our own mind is going to happen. Fear can be learned as well as unlearned. We need to see fear as something that we have, not something that we are. You are not your fear. To feel fear does not mean you are a coward. The control comes from acting in spite of the fear and then it loses its hold. Say, "I have a fear of ____, but I am not this fear." These fears tell us there are hidden things inside us that need to deal with and heal. Do not repress them. Search for the true source of the fear. Our inner thoughts and feelings create our external circumstances.
Fears can limit you or propel you into action. Life rewards action. Do different and you will have different. Buddah said, "All that we are is the result of what we have thought."
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