BECOMING A BETTER ME...part #3

In the movie, PRETTY WOMAN, the following conversation occurs between Vivian and Edward:

Vivian: People put you down enough, you start to believe it.
Edward: I think you are a very bright, very special woman.
Vivian: The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?

Up until about 14 years ago, (around the age of 30), I so identified with this. I never felt good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, quiet enough, helpful enough, faithful enough, patient enough, nice enough, athletic enough, friendly enough.....you name it...I wasn't "enough of it." Whatever I was....there was still something wrong with me.

Then I became sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I realized that I needed to rethink my beliefs. What parts were REALLY true and what were just a big pack of lies that I had chosen to accept?

I've come a long way since I was 30.

Up to that point, my decisions had been based on what I thought was the truth, but really, about 85% of it wasn't true at all. It was what others wanted me to believe, what others wanted me to do, what course others thought my life should take. It was safe. I didn't have to make any choices or (I thought) take any responsibility. I let others control my path in life. All the decisions were made for me. I now understand what people mean when they say, "perception is reality."

I like what Joyce says. "We can never move beyond what we think and believe. When we believe lies, our minds can actually limit us and even keep us form doing what God created us to do. We must examine what we believe and why we believe it."

I even went through a crisis period concerning my faith in God. I needed to find my own way. This was very healthy for me, but upsetting for those who thought they knew what God was saying to me, better then I did. Someone else's faith was not going to take me through the storms of life. I had to find a relationship, not just a religion. I didn't want to continue just going through the motions and have it not mean anything.

I was a big worrier too. (I am by no means free of this, but I am better.) It was an eye opener for me to realize that every time I worry it's showing God I don't have any faith in Him to take care of me. It is also a desperate attempt to feel in control of things, when really, worry changes nothing and actually just makes you feel worse. Joyce says, "Our part is to trust Him, to know His Word ad believe it, and His part is to do whatever needs to be done in every situation."

Matthew 6:25-34 says, we are not to worry about anything because God is faithful to provide all we need, when we need it.

Proverbs 3:5-6 say, "Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths."

Never feeling accepted for being me, caused me to behave in ways that caused people to be uncomfortable and unable to enjoy being with me. I frequently got passed over, but it was my own thinking that created the problem.

This growing process has been going on for 14 years and I want to continue to grow closer to God for many, many more.

Joyce talks a lot about, "not waiting for something good to just fall into your mind, but choosing your thoughts on purpose." I spent years repeating all the negative comments I heard and my mood became lower and lower the more I believed what people told me, so it stands to reason that it has taken me years to reverse the situation.

My thoughts, moods and feelings are now my responsibility. Even in a bad, sad or stressful situation I can choose how I want to feel because of it. I can choose to be miserable or choose to be happy.