Fostering to adopt didn't work for me...
I have read a lot of blogs where people are or have adopted through fostering. I commend those of you who have done it and I pray for those of you who are considering it. It didn't work for us. Our CYFD (Children, Youth and Families Department) or Human Services Department was eager for us to sign up, take classes, and go through all the necessary work to qualify, but once we did we never heard from them.
I really applaud those of you who take foster kids in, but for me I could never take a child in and then give them back. It would brake my heart. I would become too attached. We tried to adopt through this avenue first, but after working with them for a YEAR, we were no closer to adoption then the day we started.
The foster care system has gone through a lot of changes over the years and I do believe it has got better, but it has a long way to go before I could say that they have the children's best interests at heart. I think the case-workers are over burdened, the rules are too archaic and people are getting their children back, who don’t deserve it. A lot of these parents wouldn’t get their children back if they had to go through the paperwork, screenings and classes that I did. They would never qualify.
Our case-worker was totally honest and said, “The main goal is parent reunification.” The main goal should be, finding a safe, loving and secure family to raise these children.
It seems that time and time again we hear of children being found in crack houses, placement homes with too many children, deplorable conditions and not enough over-site. Every time it’s the children who suffer and have they changed it, not enough.
Something has to change or we will lose an entire generation.
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6 comments:
I couldn't imagine raising a child and then having to return them to their parent. ESPECIALLY when you know those parents are unfit. One of my old neighbors use to be foster parents and they adopted one of their foster children. But I also saw many children coming and going from their house. You'd almost have to try to detatch yourself from the emotional aspect. Which would be impossible for me.
We've been foster parents for six years. Three years ago we had a sibling group placed with us 5 week old twins and a one year old boy. I am that boy's seventh mother. We are still waiting to adopt, Mama has not completed one item on her service plan, and she's been on it for four years. I in the meantime have had countless investigations, brought on by her; caseworkers in my house on a weekly basis (for three years)and all the c-r-a-p that they want to throw at me, because what do I do now, release three kids back into a system that will move them 7 times a year. I will say that it has changed my heart and I can love Mama as the human that she is, not the person she's chosen to be, I am also grateful that she gave my babies life. I run a foster/adoption ministry at my church, I tell people that they should only foster if God himself has demanded it from them, otherwise there is no way you can do it.
I'll shut up now. Good luck in your journey.
We could not go this route either. Like Annie said, you do have to be called by God and know for sure this is the way to go.
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Yes, usually the philosophy is to keep the family together, and faster placement are usually temporary. It is very difficult to return a child once you are attached, but it is also really tough to take in these kids. It is a very trying. I commend you for going through initial steps!
I love finding other adoptive parents. It is hard to find the right path for your family. We also considered foster to adopt and decided it wasn't for us. We decided to adopt internationally. Foster to adopt was very intimidating in our state (more so than international!).
Congratulations on your adoption journey!
I just had to post. I work with foster children (I'm the director of a nonprofit program) and fostering to adopt is for a very special group. I've seen it work out wonderfully and I've seen it go very bad. You do have to be called of God to be a foster parent.
Tracey -- you hit the nail on the head. The main goal should be find these children a safe, loving and permanent home. These children have had enough pain and suffering and the system can just add more to it. It's obvious the Lord has given you a heart for children in crisis and I'm wondering what path His has for you in the future.
I pray that the Lord continues to bless you on your adoption path.
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