EXPOSING THE MYTHS

1. IT'S SELFISH TO SAY, "NO." Our lives are our responsibility. We need to manage our souls since they are a gift from God. Our growth is God's interest on His investment in us. To say, "no," to something is to protect God's investment.

2. IT'S DISOBEDIENT TO SAY, "NO." An internal "no" nullifies an external "yes." God is more concerned with our hearts then our outward compliance. Always say, "yes" out of a heart of love. When our motive to saying "yes" is fear we love not.

3. IF I SET BOUNDARIES PEOPLE WILL LEAVE ME. Boundaries are a litmus test for the quality of our relationship. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions and our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us they don't love all of us. They only love us when we say "yes" or comply. That is not really loving us.

4. BOUNDARIES HURT OTHERS. Boundaries don't control, attach or hurt anyone. They may cause some discomfort or inconvenience, but it doesn't cause injury. We are all lumpy, bumpy and unfinished sinners. God doesn't always say, "yes" because sometimes "no" helps us move. We want to be allowed to be human, so we need to allow others to be human too: to be busy, to be unavailable, to have time alone.

5. BOUNDARIES MEAN I AM ANGRY. Anger is ok if it tells us that our boundaries have been violated. It gives us power to solve a problem.

6. OTHERS BOUNDARIES CAUSE ME INJURY. Accept others boundaries as you want them to accept yours.

7. BOUNDARIES CAUSE GUILT. Just because we have received something does not mean we owe something. True gifts don't come with strings. Just as we should provide out of love without expecting anything in return, so should we receive with a simple, "thank you." Just receive and be grateful.

8. BOUNDARIES ARE PERMANENT. Your boundaries don't own you. You can always change them as circumstances change.