LOVE

The original writer of this is unknown, but I read it recently in Joyce Meyer's book, BEAUTY FOR ASHES.

The Trickle-Down Theory of Conditional Love

Jesus loves me, but . . . He loves me conditionally.

THEREFORE: His love is based on my performance.

THEREFORE: I have to earn His love by pleasing Him.

THEREFORE: When I please Him, I feel loved.

When I don’t please Him, I feel rejected.

THEREFORE: If God, who is “all-loving,” does not always love, accept, and value me,

how can I be expected to believe that I am valuable and loveable?

THEREFORE:I don’t believe that I am basically a loveable, valuable person

THEREFORE, I am not able to trust other people who say they love me.

I suspect their motives or figure that they just don’t know the “real” me yet.

THEREFORE, I can’t accept love from other people.

I deflect it. I try to prove that I am right – that I am NOT loveable,

and that they will eventually reject me.

THEREFORE, they usually do.

THEREFORE, I use the world’s standards (money, status, clothes, etc.) to prove

to myself and others that I am VALUABLE.

I need strokes and feedback from other people to prove to myself

and to others that I am LOVEABLE.

THEREFORE, I need a “fresh fix” of strokes every day

just to get through the day feeling good about myself.

THEREFORE, I look to others to give me something that

only God can give me – a sense of my own SELF-WORTH.

THEREFORE, I place impossible demands on people who love me.

I frustrate them. I am never satisfied with what they are giving me.

I don’t allow them to be honest with me or confront me.

I’m focused on me, and I expect them to be focused on me too.

THEREFORE, since I don’t love who I AM,

I don’t expect that others will love me either.

Why would anyone want some-thing that has no real value?

THEREFORE, I try to earn their love by what I DO. I don’t give out of a desire to love,

but to BE LOVED. Most of what I do is tied up in “self,” so the people

I profess to love don’t really feel loved. They feel manipulated.

I’m trying to avoid rejection rather than trying to build a loving relationship.

THEREFORE: I am not able to sustain a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship.

The Trickle-Down Theory of Unconditional Love

Jesus loves me, this I know.

He loves me unconditionally.

THEREFORE: His love for me is based on who HE is.

THEREFORE: I have not earned His love, nor can I earn His love.

THEREFORE: I cannot be separated from His love.

When I obey Him, He will bless me.

When I disobey Him, there will be consequences for my behavior.

He may not like my behavior, but He always loves me.

THEREFORE: Since I have experienced God’s love, I know I am loveable.

THEREFORE, since I know that God loves me,

I am able to believe that there are people who could love me too.

THEREFORE, I am able to trust people who genuinely love me.

THEREFORE, I am able to accept the love that those people give to me.

THEREFORE, since my most basic need for love and a sense of self-worth have been

met by God, I don’t need to be “fixed” by other people.

THEREFORE, although I have needs that I look to other people to meet,

I believe those needs are balanced and God-given (companionship, affection, fun).

I try to be honest in assessing those needs and in asking for what I need.

THEREFORE, I expect other people to be honest with me.

I can handle criticism or confrontation if it is done with love.

THEREFORE, since I know that I am God’s special and unique creation,

I know that the love I have to give is valuable.

THEREFORE, I don’t feel that I have to “perform” for other people.

They will either love me for who I am or they won’t.

It’s important to me to be loved for who I am.

THEREFORE, I am able to get my mind off of what others are thinking ABOUT ME

and focus on other people and THEIR NEEDS

THEREFORE: I am able to sustain a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship.