The original writer of this is unknown, but I read it recently in Joyce Meyer's book, BEAUTY FOR ASHES.
The Trickle-Down Theory of Conditional Love
Jesus loves me, but . . . He loves me conditionally.
THEREFORE: His love is based on my performance.
THEREFORE: I have to earn His love by pleasing Him.
THEREFORE: When I please Him, I feel loved.
When I don’t please Him, I feel rejected.
THEREFORE: If God, who is “all-loving,” does not always love, accept, and value me,
how can I be expected to believe that I am valuable and loveable?
THEREFORE:I don’t believe that I am basically a loveable, valuable person
THEREFORE, I am not able to trust other people who say they love me.
I suspect their motives or figure that they just don’t know the “real” me yet.
THEREFORE, I can’t accept love from other people.
I deflect it. I try to prove that I am right – that I am NOT loveable,
and that they will eventually reject me.
THEREFORE, they usually do.
THEREFORE, I use the world’s standards (money, status, clothes, etc.) to prove
to myself and others that I am VALUABLE.
I need strokes and feedback from other people to prove to myself
and to others that I am LOVEABLE.
THEREFORE, I need a “fresh fix” of strokes every day
just to get through the day feeling good about myself.
THEREFORE, I look to others to give me something that
only God can give me – a sense of my own SELF-WORTH.
THEREFORE, I place impossible demands on people who love me.
I frustrate them. I am never satisfied with what they are giving me.
I don’t allow them to be honest with me or confront me.
I’m focused on me, and I expect them to be focused on me too.
THEREFORE, since I don’t love who I AM,
I don’t expect that others will love me either.
Why would anyone want some-thing that has no real value?
THEREFORE, I try to earn their love by what I DO. I don’t give out of a desire to love,
but to BE LOVED. Most of what I do is tied up in “self,” so the people
I profess to love don’t really feel loved. They feel manipulated.
I’m trying to avoid rejection rather than trying to build a loving relationship.
THEREFORE: I am not able to sustain a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship.
The Trickle-Down Theory of Unconditional Love
Jesus loves me, this I know.
He loves me unconditionally.
THEREFORE: His love for me is based on who HE is.
THEREFORE: I have not earned His love, nor can I earn His love.
THEREFORE: I cannot be separated from His love.
When I obey Him, He will bless me.
When I disobey Him, there will be consequences for my behavior.
He may not like my behavior, but He always loves me.
THEREFORE: Since I have experienced God’s love, I know I am loveable.
THEREFORE, since I know that God loves me,
I am able to believe that there are people who could love me too.
THEREFORE, I am able to trust people who genuinely love me.
THEREFORE, I am able to accept the love that those people give to me.
THEREFORE, since my most basic need for love and a sense of self-worth have been
met by God, I don’t need to be “fixed” by other people.
THEREFORE, although I have needs that I look to other people to meet,
I believe those needs are balanced and God-given (companionship, affection, fun).
I try to be honest in assessing those needs and in asking for what I need.
THEREFORE, I expect other people to be honest with me.
I can handle criticism or confrontation if it is done with love.
THEREFORE, since I know that I am God’s special and unique creation,
I know that the love I have to give is valuable.
THEREFORE, I don’t feel that I have to “perform” for other people.
They will either love me for who I am or they won’t.
It’s important to me to be loved for who I am.
THEREFORE, I am able to get my mind off of what others are thinking ABOUT ME
and focus on other people and THEIR NEEDS
THEREFORE: I am able to sustain a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship.