Thursday, December 2, 2010



When I was little I hated being short, having no chest and being the youngest in my family. It was a bad thing....

I was always the littlest in my class and it bugged me to no end.

Now I realize it's part of the great genes from Mom and Dad that keeps me short, skinny and not looking my 42 years.

When I was a teenager I remember crying to my mom because I didn't have a chest like the other girls.

Now I realize that all young boys are interested in that in high school. Once your a little older and more mature, it really doesn't mean a thing. Actually, it's much easier having a smaller chest: no back issues, easier to see shadows on a mammogram and I can go without a bra if I want to.

As far as being the youngest in a family of eight.....and the sibling closest to you in age is male and 5 years older, you don't feel close to anyone. I have 3 sisters too, but they were all older too (7, 12 and 16 years older). My oldest brother is 20 years older then me and had his first child when I was 4, so to say that we had NOTHING in common is an understatement. Don't get me wrong, I always felt loved, but just not close to them or understood, for that matter. It's funny how time changes things.

Now things are much different. My sisters and I are very close and of the four brothers I am closest to the younger ones. The older ones would do anything for me and I love them dearly. We discuss all the time how our upbringing and relationships with our parents were so different depending on how our parents were when they had us. (Birth order and years apart in age have made a huge difference's really quite interesting....but that is for another post....)

In the grand scheme of things these issues really didn't matter at all.....time and experience gives you a new perspective...

In my adult life....the one thing that I initially thought was bad (....and part of me still thinks it is and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.....) and now feel....well it isn't good....but it was for the my divorce (December 1998).

This was the worst time in my life. I was severely depressed, not sure why I should go on, found out that drugs were chosen over being with me, got down to 88 pounds, had to give up my dog, moved out of my home and went through a bankruptcy....... forward 9 months (September 1999) in my own little apartment that I loved, finally getting counseling that I had needed for years, feeling stronger, slowly putting back on the weight, closer (then I had ever been) to my family and friends, saving money and doing ok. forward a year (September 2000)......finished with counseling, feeling I can make mature choices and deserve better, taking yoga, going back to church, back up to my pre-divorce weight, dating again and feeling very good. forward 3 years (July 2003)......have a relationship with God, buying a house, getting a new puppy and getting married to my best friend (......which I was told was a pipe dream.....see dreams really do come true....). forward 5 years (December 2008).....married to the most amazing man and the son, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE, is born! forward.....present debt, 7 years happily married, my son is almost 2 and life is good!

So, although divorce isn't what I would have chosen as part of my life path, I know now that I wouldn't be where I am now (.... HAPPILY married, feeling strong, being a mommy, no debt and loving life....) without it. 

1 comment:

Connie said...

I'm glad you feel this way. I agree!