Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Clare (a private commentor) said, "Tracey, you may not see yourself as the second best option for Samuel, but Samuel will. Lets face it, most of us who are adopted know that we would never have had the adoptive family we ended up with if they could have had their own biological children. We know we were the last resort for them to have a family. Last choice. That makes us feel just wonderful. I also take issue with your statement that "this is the way I was meant to become a mom". Really? How do you know that? Ever think that maybe you just weren't meant to be a "mom" at all?"

Clare, I am sorry that you feel you were not wanted. There are many families that adopt and have biological children too or those who just choose to adopt. I am sorry you feel you were the "last choice." I KNOW that I was meant to become a mom this way, the same way that I KNOW that God is taking care of all of us and He wanted me to be Samuel's mom. I don't know all the answers. I don't know why I haven't been able to get pregnant on my own, but I do know there is a reason for everything, whether I understand it or not.

You asked me how I know I was meant to be a mom and I ask you how you know how Samuel will feel. My husband is adopted and has never felt like his family was the "second best option."

Cricket, please forgive me. I was not aware the it was necessary to credit or link to people who corrected my spelling. You are RIGHT. I should have spelled it WRITE! Or is that backwards?

In a recent post I wrote, "I do not think that I should have to "support" you. You are the one choosing to keep your child and if you really don't have the means to do so, maybe this isn't the best choice. I do believe in charity, but if adoption was abolished I think "the system" would be OVERFLOWING with those needing support."

* I believe that there are legitimate people with legitimate problems that need help.
* I believe that there are a lot of people who could work, who don't and live off the system.
* I believe if you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences (not talking about rape).
* I believe that if you are choosing to have a child, you need to put them first, not you.
* If you don't have a way to support children, a way to put a roof over their heads and food in their mouths, then you need to take precautions and not have any until you can.
* I don't think I should have to help the "Octomom" when she can't even support the six children she already has. Before anyone says, "you should be able to have as many children as you want," I agree with you as long as you can support them. The Duggers, who have 19 children have never been on the "system."


birthmothertalks said...

I think this discussion is getting too heated for me. I want to reply but I am going to keep my mouth shut. v

Cricket said...


You're right...it's not necessary to credit/link to a correction made on your blog. I took offense to the fact that you referred to Samuel as your tax write off..and would have taken offense if you'd referred to him in that way if you HAD birthed him. It's disrespectful..that's all.


Headless Mom said...

I happen to agree with you here, Tracey. I'm sorry you're getting such a bad response to this series. I think it's well thought out, straight forward, and not accusatory at all. Kudos to you for taking on a difficult subject.