Being a new mother I seem to get a lot of advice, which can be helpful, but is also very frustrating when it's from people who are insistent that their way is the BEST way. I also get advice (because I'm an adoptive mother) from those who think that my son is just a stand-in until I get "the real thing." Each week I will post a new question. I'd love it if you'd play along and offer us new mothers your pearls of wisdom.
HERE IS THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
WHAT DO YOU TELL YOUR CHILDREN WHEN THEY ASK ABOUT SOMETHING YOU ACTUALLY DID, BUT YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE? (example...smoke, not spending money wisely, sex etc.) DO YOU ADMIT TO THEM THAT YOU DID AND THAT YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO FOR THESE REASONS? OR....DO YOU JUST GIVE THEM ADVICE ON WHY THEY SHOULDN'T, BECAUSE YOU FEEL THAT IF YOU SAY YOU DID IT, THEN THEY'LL WANT TO DO IT TOO?
3 comments:
I think it depends on the age and the child. Younger kids will take "Don't do XYZ" on face value. As they get older I don't feel it necessary to give details of your own missteps. I think it's ok to point out why it's wrong, and the consequences, without saying what you, yourself, did.
For example, talking about why binge drinking can lead to health problems, dui's etc, without saying, 'yeah, in college I would ______ and it made me fail classes, etc.' Take the me out of it. They don't need to know.
Well that's a long way off. But in my opinion when they are old enough to learn from my mistakes I will share them with them. And explain why it's wrong and how the guilt and or shame stays long after the mistake was made.
But when it comes to things like money my hope is that the way we raise our children will be from what we've learned from those mistakes thus they will not make those type of mistakes when they are older.
I think this depends on the issue, and what examples you want to set for your kids. But, I also absolutely do think it's imperative that we show our human sides to our kids too...the sides that make mistakes, and question our actions. How else will they learn to become the responsible adults we want them to be? Charlie is still very young, obviously...so he doesn't ask questions yet. My hope is that I'll be as honest and open with him as I can, while still protecting his innocence and youth while it's necessary.
Melba
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