....until I go back to work! Yesterday, Penny, the lady who will be watching Sam, came over to visit and to see how everything runs. I am so jealous that she will be able to stay here with my son. Though all your comments have been very helpful, I continue to feel inadequate as a mother. I'm told this a very common feeling, especially for mothers who work outside the home. I am jealous of all of you, who have managed to stay home to care for your children.
I love being a teacher, but I love being a mom even more. Being a teacher is a great job to have when you have kids because of the time you have off, but after having taught for 18 years, it doesn't hold the same appeal it once did, especially since Samuel came along.
I feel like I have three jobs now: mother, housewife, teacher, and dividing my time among them all, will cause me to not do any of them great. My A-personality is having a hard time adjusting to this.
I am envious of everyone who (seems to) has it all together. I'm trying to enjoy every day, but not sleeping through the night is really kicking my butt. We have 1 great night (sleeping 4 hours at a feeding) and then 2 bad nights (sleeping 2 hours at a feeding). I wish I could figure out more of a pattern to all this. I try to keep Samuel up more of the day, but even when I do this, it doesn't necessarily mean a great night will follow. I've kept a spread sheet for 2 weeks now and I'm not any better at getting a pattern down. You keep telling me, "it will happen," and "don't rush it," but I get so discouraged.
I keep telling myself that God knows what He is doing and He never gives you more then you can handle, but it's becoming more and more difficult to believe this.