tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post8089578008440441527..comments2023-11-05T07:37:23.135-05:00Comments on LIFE AT TRACEY SPEED: SUFFICIENT ALTERNATIVES PART 3Traceyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11064113501129840818noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post-29430478791476760782010-01-07T12:19:24.219-05:002010-01-07T12:19:24.219-05:00As a birthmom, I would like to ask how many adopti...As a birthmom, I would like to ask how many adoptive parents can hand over your child adopted or not to someone else and hope they are nice enough to send you pictures. While, I can't walk in your shoes, because I did have children without a problem, but can you walk in mine now? I am not anti adoption at all. But the fact that my daughter's parents were blessed with her doesn't make me feel good. It's the other way around. I blessed her with a family. Even thought it really wasn't my choice.birthmothertalkshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17690158739622745922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post-34203475554769336272010-01-06T23:29:42.736-05:002010-01-06T23:29:42.736-05:00YOu can stop reading about adpotee issues and peop...YOu can stop reading about adpotee issues and people who were hurt by adoption. But if there is even a chance that you child might feel the same, don't you love him enough to keep an open mind? If there is a chance he my feel he has a wound that will not heal, don't you want him to feel he can tell you about it? Do you want him to grow up and feel he has to stuff down his feelings because it is not acceptable to feel anything but happy loved and greatfull?<br /><br />Even those of us that grew up in loving adoptive homes being told the happy adoption story of a love so great we desearved to be abandoned, may feel these things.<br /><br />If you are to be an adoptive parent, you owe it to your child to educate yourself and be ready to accept however he feels, and allow him to feel it.Lorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03304963190823820769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post-66158871392648364722010-01-06T23:06:05.861-05:002010-01-06T23:06:05.861-05:00I am an adoptive mother of three and have one bio ...I am an adoptive mother of three and have one bio son. This blog is great...I don't know whether to be bothered more by all the anti-adoption comments or by the fact that you posted every single picture of the woman on the Bachelor!!:) I'm teasing.<br /><br />I think that if any of these angry bio-moms could walk in our shoes for one week....even a day..and know what it feels like to be a woman who can't have a baby...they may be a tad more compassionate towards those of us who have adopted. I feel bad for those women who were tricked into giving up a baby, but can' they see that by giving a child a stable loving environment, and making a woman a mother is so wonderful??? What's so bad about us?<br />http://joshafamily.blogspot.comShannanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10185909615557700759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post-9935117872760673812010-01-05T23:39:41.480-05:002010-01-05T23:39:41.480-05:00The thing is in the arguments here is that you are...The thing is in the arguments here is that you are taking bad situations of "bio" famillies nad saying, see, here is the reason whby we need adoption. See how these parents have treated there children so horribly. Except that the one great fault in that argument is that nobody, not even adoptive parents, are immune from abusing or neglecting their children. <br /><br /><br />Just as must as one can stress that here is an example of such terrible "bio" parents who never should have been allowed to parent their child, the same example can be turned around for adoptive parents who never should have been allowed to adopt their child.<br /><br />If you use the extremes of this bad parent or that bad parent, you are going to find they exist in ALL areas of parenting - bio, adoptive, step, foster, etc . . . <br /><br />I have a friend who grew up with a horribly neglectful "bio" mother. One who knew nothing of unconditional love. For a year, we had a friend of my son's living with us because his "step" father battled a drug addiction and was abusive.<br /><br />And my own son was mentally and physically abused by his "adoptive" mother who battled an alcohol addicition.<br /><br />Parents, good and bad, come from all sides and all experiences. Nobody is immune, no matter how one might have come to be a parent in the first place.<br /><br />But to use the extremes to "justify" the greatness of adoption seems useless to me since they exist everywhere in our world, not just in "bio" parents.Cassihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post-26249409469989049232010-01-05T23:08:06.663-05:002010-01-05T23:08:06.663-05:00"Should we be encouraging those who don't..."Should we be encouraging those who don't think they can parent, to parent anyway and then wait for the "true dire need" (neglect, abuse etc) to occur before we then take the child away."<br /><br />You are assuming the worst.<br /><br />What about the biological parents who would *not* have abused or neglected their children?<br /><br />Just because someone thinks they cannot parent does not instantly mean they are unable to. Does ANY young woman feels she is perfectly capable of parenting for the first time? Probably not.<br /><br />You might also wish to consider that a woman's body has hormones which are affected by the pregnancy and geared towards nurturing her offspring.<br /><br />Sometimes it does not happen. Sometimes, for whatever reason, this woman is in a sick mental state and cannot take care of her child. Sometimes adoption is the best situation IF the child is in direct harm.<br /><br />But I do not believe "direct harm" should be an automatic assumption, especially when adoption is placed into the picture.<br /><br />A woman is not "geared" to abuse and/or neglect her child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post-10414760705672329262010-01-05T19:43:19.060-05:002010-01-05T19:43:19.060-05:00I totally agree with you! I tried being a foster p...I totally agree with you! I tried being a foster parent (foster to adopt) and I don't think my heart could take it. <br /><br />I can think of so many examples in my own family where the bio family is not the answer. Also, something a little more unusual to think about: because of my being a foster parent, my 19 yo cousin and his wife approached me about adopting their soon to be born son. My cousin has Asperger's autism, is bipolar, and just now has found a job (unemployed at the time he asked me). One of the effects of his conditions is he constantly goes up and down mood-wise and often lives in a fantasy world. I chose to turn him down because even though the baby would be in a more stable, comfortable environment, I could anticipate several scenarios: 1)changing their minds before the birth<br />2)undermining my parenting<br />3)changing their minds after I had been raising him for awhile and legally taking him back<br />4)trying to take the baby not so legally<br />Etc.,etc., etc. The family placement option is not so great. Another cousin was addicted to drugs and arrested and several of her kids were "raised" by her brother and his wife. The wife unfortunately has a habit of beating two of the kids with a electrical cord or broom handle. One of those kids went to live with another relative; the other is grown and seems fine with her now. As for the little one, we all hate that he is stuck there, but no abuse as of yet.Megan Wagnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17749227216828833244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7631451666879199613.post-29721140032148777432010-01-05T15:30:52.810-05:002010-01-05T15:30:52.810-05:00I understand that her hurt is blinding her from ma...I understand that her hurt is blinding her from many great realities in the world. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to say that all adopted children should be raised by their "natural" parents, I do not believe that is the case. Case in point: my brother got mixed up with a lady who has serious issues. He has since divorced her, but has 2 kids with her. In fact, at my best count, she has 5 kids from at least 3 guys. Her mother has all of them, except one, who she keeps because he is her "meal ticket" from the state (he was very premature). She is a horrible parent (takes everything away from the kids that he gives them, subjects them to neglect, and simply does NOT provide for them in any way). It truly is a sad situation. However, her mother is supporting her by caring for her children so they are not placed with their fathers and/or adopted to families who can truly care for the children. I think in this case the children are minimally being cared for as her mother is doing what SHE can to create a positive environment for the kids, but ultimately, they are not in the best environment. Biological, yes. Ideal, far from it. It breaks my heart. And honestly, the state should require her to get her tubes tied as I'm sure she'll have yet another child, with yet another man, to only provide minimum care for them as well. It is quite clear that she has some serious issues (like keeping a job, for example) including some mental & emotional issues. Quite honestly, her mother raised her...and she is the way she is...I'm not entirely sure the kids are not going to grow up like her, too.<br /><br />My brother has not been in a position to care for his kids, either. He has given her money (I believe), but she does not spend it on the kids. He would provide a better family environment for the kids. He's remarried to a wonderful woman; he's got an excellent education and a great job. I believe he is working on a plan to take her to court to gain custody of his children once he returns from the Middle East (he's in the National Guards and ships out next week). Since he's shipping out, there is likely no way he would get the kids right now. But, in a year when he's back...that will be a different situation.Krishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05692988119185221445noreply@blogger.com